I Have A Million Fears

This post was originally written for the Doodle heads blog.

When I came across the Sketchbook Project I thought that it was the coolest project ever. I spent two weeks agonizing over which theme I would pick.....Facing Forward was what I finally concluded. I have been meditating, doing yoga, self reflecting, and figuring shit out for the past number of months. I was pretty sure that it was time to Face Forward.

I received my sketchbook and was delighted, gleeful, I couldn't stop stroking the book and flipping it's lovely crisp untouched pages. I sniffed it, I hugged it, I was super stoked. Days went by and I would pick it up, hold it and put it down. I was frozen with fear.

I've got a couple of big fears that I am fully aware of - fear of commitment, and fear of Failure.......hmmmmm, turns out this sketchbook project is bathed with both of these big time. There is something about knowing that every pen mark I put into this sketchbook is permanent....and others will see it, there is no backing out (hello fear of commitment). And what if it sucks....I sketch jewelry designs and they don't all turn out lovely, some turn out okay, some turn out brilliant and some kind of suck (howdy fear of failure, oh you again).

What to do.......okay I thought I would ease into it. I took my theme and started sketching in one of my more familiar books, a tried and true one.....easy breezy, I designed some unique earrings based on my them Facing Forward and on Self Reflection.
Okay, I thought I was pretty much ready to start on the real deal.....design a necklace in the empty gray moleskin book taunting me from my coffee table......nope.... couldn't do it. Again I picked it up and put it down and went to the comfort of my old private sketchbook.

This Facing Forward idea is turning out to be challenging in ways I didn't see coming. And now I am here with all of you, absolutely delighted to be asked to participate in this doodleheads blog. So excited to connect with a new community of artists. So nervous....I'm a jewelry designer.....I draw jewelry......to be amongst all of these other talented artists who can draw amazing is pretty crazy intimidating. But I'm going to do it. It's all about the risk right? Being an artist, being an entrepreneur, it is all about risk. I will Face Forward and I will start filling that sketchbook with pure brilliance....and some not so brilliant and I will share it with all of you.

Looking forward to this journey with everyone.
Patsy Kay Kolesar
www.pkkdesign.com
www.pkkdesign.blogspot.com

Facing Forward and Self Relfection

I have been designing new jewelry pieces inspired by my theme for the sketchbook project, Facing Forward.

For the past while I have been designing jewelry inspired by love stories. I have been in a very self-reflective place. being uncertain. being doubtful. being hopeful. being in awe... of love. I have been meditating,practicing yoga, and figuring some shit out.

I started to wonder if it was possible to still be self reflective while facing forward? and what does self reflective look like? what does facing forward look like? I started sketching ideas for earrings that represented both of these themes........

My design for self reflection had to feel a little twisty, circular, curvy, deep, and beautiful. My design for facing forward had to remind me of birds. birds have made themselves very present in my life the last number of months. My beautiful Papaya art prints around my home have uplifted me every time i look at them. and I have seen eagles, cranes, humming birds and yellow finches all around me. The design had to be soaring, wing like, clean lines, beak like, bold, strong.


Lots of ideas. I spent a day playing in my studio and decided that these two designs are my favourite. I have been wearing them around proudly the last few days.

Facing Forward Earring

Self Reflection Earring

The Sketchbook Project

A couple of months ago I came across the Sketchbook Project. "It's like a concert tour but with sketchbooks", how cool is that? Anyone can be a part of it, you just pick your theme, order your sketchbook for $25, fill it and send it back to them by Jan 2011. They take the sketchbooks on a cross country art tour and afterwards all of sketchbooks become property of the Brooklyn Art Library. Pretty much the coolest project ever. It took me two weeks to pick my theme, I know that they say that the theme is "loose", but having a few rules in life has always helped me focus. I finally chose "Facing Forward" whooh, yup, facing forward.........My life has been in the digging deep, reflective, self-discovery stage now for a little while and I'm pretty sure that it's time to face forward.

My sketchbook is gray with lovely white pages.....I have a bit of a thing for sketchbooks, art supply stores, stationary stores.....something about the smell....is that really weird?

I thought I would show you some pics of my other sketchbooks, I rarely have only one on the go.....and when I fill one up I could never throw it away.

They have over 10,000 people who have signed up so far to be a part of the Sketchbook Project. I think that there is something amazing knowing that so many people around the world will be sketching away, filling these little books with a piece of themselves. All with a collective goal in mind. I would love for all of you to be a part of this project too and share your process with me a bit. I will be posting photos from my sketchbook once I start filling it......There is something about taking my pen to that very first page that is a little scary, exciting, bold. I will let you know when I get there!

The What We've Created Brooch

About a month ago my Dad asked me if I could make a piece of jewelry for him to give to my Mom for their 40th wedding anniversary. My Dad is usually the pots and pans type of gift giver so I was shocked, touched, and delighted to take on such an amazing project. I spent a lot of time thinking about what to make, what was special enough for this moment, what spending 40 years with someone meant........

This is what I ended up making,

"The What We've Created Brooch"

What we've created in 40 years is a home that echoes with laughter long after the Christmas decorations are packed away and the Bar-b-q's are done for the Summer.

What we've created is two strong, compassionate daughters who have never doubted for a moment that they have incredible love and strength to catch them when they stumble and push them gently when they need support.

What we've created is a house filled with love and new giggles of a very special grandchild and another on the way.

What we've created is a love that is true and committed and a friendship that has grown stronger and stronger throughout 40 years.

Their anniversary was yesterday, August 1st. My Mom was overjoyed with the gift, and in shock that it had been my Dad's idea. My Mom gave my Dad a card....My Dad is now gloating that he is "one up" on my Mom in the gift giving department, hehehe. I sure hope to be able to still be laughing with someone after sharing 40 years with them.

The brooch is made from sterling silver that I have hammered, twisted and blackened. It is, of course embellished with pearls and a bright red enameled disk. The wall piece is made from copper, which I have enameled and made a special little place for the brooch to clip in when it is not being worn.

Amanda's Love Story Necklace

This is Amanda's finished Love Story Necklace, for her to wear on her wedding day. Amanda was one of the two winners from my Love Story Necklace Contest, where I asked brides to be to tell me their love story in order to win a custom wedding necklace.


Amanda's beautiful love story filled with pain and strength, twists and turns, and the photo below inspired the design for this Love Story Necklace.

The sweetest moment of a relationship captured.

honesty. playfulness. trust. fun. strength.

I designed Amanda's necklace while reflecting on this moment. I think that a partnership, a marriage is about making life a little easier for each other. I know, I know.....relationships and marriage are not easy, far from it. But I do believe that because of these moments they become worth the work. Having someone there to pick you up when you fall, to make you laugh when you hate the world, to hold your hand when you're getting blood taken is............ kind of nice.

Life is risky. We take risks every day. My generation is skeptical of marriage. We've seen a lot of failed marriages and many of us are unsure if it is worth the risk. I think it is though. I know that love is amazing, falling in love is pretty damn fun, and loving someone with all of your heart and feeling that love in return feels incredible. When we take risks every day of our lives, why wouldn't we take a risk on one of the most amazing feelings we get to experience in this world? Why not take a risk on love?

One of my favourite inspirational life coaches and blogger Stacy Curnow posted this quote by poet Mary Oliver on her blog the other day and I think it is perfect:

To live in this world, you must be able to do three things:
to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones
knowing your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.

-Mary Oliver

Persistence and Designing Jewelry

I've been thinking about persistence lately.

When i design new pieces of jewelry - I sketch. I can sketch the same piece over and over and over again until I get it exactly right. Some design ideas never become just right and they never get built into a piece of jewelry. Sometimes I can go a few weeks of sketching without getting a design that I totally love. But I never stop designing........I try a different sketchbook (I have many), I try a new location - I persist and eventually I get something special, something that excites me, something that moves me a little, something that makes me want to start moving metal.
These are three new sketches that will turn into something more.

Artist Kerry Smith is the creator of the Artist's Survival Kit, which I adore. They are clever and hilarious. Kerry just moved to Vancouver with her family to teach at Emily Carr. I loved reading her newest post on Vancouver - there is something amazing about seeing your city through someone else's eyes.

Designing Amanda's Love Story Necklace

I design jewelry inspired by love, because that is what it's all about.......isn't it?

My Grandpa, wrote a book about his life story. He gave each of us grand kids a copy of it before he died. I have been reading it lately. In his dedication he wrote "I dedicate this, my life story, to my dear wife Alison, who gave me four lovely children and the happiest years of my life." My grandparents were married for 60 years.

I spent a sunny afternoon recently designing Amanda's Love Story Necklace. Amanda was one of the two winners of my Love Story Necklace contest. I had a photo of Amanda's beautiful dress and lovely wedding venue to inspire my design, but the design kept coming out not quite right. I kept thinking about Amanda and Matt's love story and about this one picture of the two of them that they sent me.
Amanda had wrote underneath this picture. "Here we are, Matt helping me up after I fell down, like he always does." You can tell that they are both laughing. I loved being in on this moment. It is this moment that inspired the design for their necklace. Because isn't this moment what makes a relationship beautiful? You help each other when one of you falls, and you laugh together through all of it. The horrible, the scary, the really fucking painful moments in life, you stick together and make it a little easier for each other.

Amanda's necklace is in the works, almost finished........here is the design.

Amanda's Love Story Necklace, has an elegant strength to it just like Amanda. This necklace symbolizes the ups and downs and twists and turns that Amanda and Matt have already endured in their relationship. But like their relationship it is also happy, beautiful, and forever.